my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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