after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Randomize
