she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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