How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
