Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
