Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
