I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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