1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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