I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
