i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
