im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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