Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can't turn off my feet"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
