So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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