Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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