the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
