either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
