my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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