OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
