Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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