Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
