Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
