I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
