all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
