I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
