I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
