doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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