Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
