Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
