These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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