I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
