That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
