Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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