I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
