apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
