He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
