I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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