I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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