If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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