I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
