I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
