she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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