just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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