can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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