I am puke
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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