I got chris browned last night
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
