If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She needs sedatives and a leash
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
