just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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