They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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