she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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