filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
