She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
