how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
