Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
