just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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