YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
