Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
