sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
