omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
