I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
