just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
