just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
