I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You ruined the universe
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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