OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
