I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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