What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
