Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
