I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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