he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i think my cat just said my name.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
