dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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