But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
