we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i would punch a child for taco bell
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
