Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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