Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
